Out of center

Have you ever had one of those moments where you were jealous of someone because they were with the person you cared  about more then your own life? Have you ever had one of those days where all you want to do is sleep and prey the world around you stops? Have you ever had one of those long periods of time where you just fear for the care, safety and the health of a person  you hate? Weather you hate them or they hate you? Have you ever had a time in you're life where you messed up something that wasn't yours and you were so scared you could hardly look at the object even when you tried to fix it?

The reasons  I ask these things is quite frankly I don't know what to do any more. I was in love with a girl and she has a girlfriend now. My sleep has gotten worse as of late, people have said that I am paranoid, that I am stressed out.to be totally honest i don't know what to do any more, the day by day scenes run by in front of my face. I see people start to date. I see people break up. It all makes me want to pause the world and take things one step at a time. I miss the days in life when I could wake up and smile the entire day because my friends would  make me laugh. I accidentally dropped my moms 80 GB IPOD in the bath tub and its recovery software wont even work any more and I'm hating my self severely for ruining it, she didn't seam mad  at  me for it but I just want to lay down and curl up in a ball till I die. No matter how much my mom irks me I'm still scared for her life every time I leave her. I'm scared I might never see her again alive. I'm fortunate to have family and friends who love me. But I  feel like I spend more time alone with the dog then I actuality  do with human beings. My heart beats alone in a crowd of over one million. I realize no one probably ever reads my blog  but If someone actually does, thank you so very much for taking time out of your day to  read my pathetic writing.
I'm going to post this and cuddle up with my Pembroke Welsh Corgi, Honey and try and find my center again.
(This is Honey)
~Little Miss I Get Tough~

Porn Star Dancing by My Darkest Days featuring Zakk Wylde & Chad Kroeger

Kiley won't kiss my friend Kassandra
Jessica won't play ball
Mandy won't share her friend Miranda
doesn't anybody live at all

Amanda won't leave me empty handed
got her number from the bathroom stall
Brandy just got way too much baggage
and that shit just gets old

But I got a girl who can put on a show
the dollar decides how far you can go

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we can go
She takes it off nice and slow
because thats PORNSTAR DANCIN'

She don't play nice, She makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
and i'm sittin right by the stage for this
PORNSTAR DANCIN'

Your bodies lighten up the room
I want another girl like you
theres nothing harder to do

Stacy gunna save herself for marriage
but thats just not my style
she's got a bell that's nice to stare at
but I want girls gone wild

But I got a girl who can put on a show
the dollar desides how far you can go

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we can go
She takes it off nice and slow
because thats PORNSTAR DANCIN'

She don't play nice, She makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
and i'm sittin right by the stage for this
PORNSTAR DANCIN'

Your bodies lighten up the room
I want another girl like you
lets through a party just for two
you know those normal girls won't do

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we can go
She takes it off nice and slow
because thats PORNSTAR DANCIN'

She don't play nice, She makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
and i'm sittin right by the stage for this
PORNSTAR DANCIN'

"The Ballad Of Mona Lisa" ~ PANIC! AT THE DISCO LYRICS

She paints her fingers with a close precision
He starts to notice empty bottles of gin
And takes a moment to assess the sins she’s paid for

A lonely speaker in a conversation
Her words were swimming through his ears again
There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for

Say what you mean
Tell me I'm right
And let the sun rain down on me
Give me a sign
I want to believe

Woah, Mona Lisa,
You're guaranteed to run this town
Woah, Mona Lisa,
I'd pay to see you frown

He senses something, call it desperation
Another dollar, another day
And if she had the proper words to say,
She would tell him
But she'd have nothing left to sell him

Say what you mean
Tell me I'm right
And let the sun rain down on me
Give me a sign
I want to believe

Woah, Mona Lisa,
You're guaranteed to run this town
Woah, Mona Lisa,
I'd pay to see you frown

Mona Lisa wear me out
Pleased to please ya
Mona Lisa wear me out

Say what you mean
Tell me I'm right
And let the sun rain down on me
Give me a sign
I want to believe

Woah, Mona Lisa,
You're guaranteed to run this town
Woah, Mona Lisa,
I'd pay to see you frown

Say what you mean
Tell me I'm right
And let the sun rain down on me
Give me a sign
I want to believe

There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for

Little Miss I'll Get Tough

So I posted a pulse on IMVU feeling like I needed to vent, heres what it said and  the comments that followed. Note: these people are my friends and family and they mean a lot to me.

HexRavenAdelaide: I'm Little Miss I'll Get Tough and i wont back down. NO guys going to ruin my senior summer!!! I WILL FIGHT BACK FOR WHAT I FEEL!!! Its my life and no ones going to tell me who and what i am and will be!!! NO matter what happens I will be myself. I am a powerful smart woman who has feelings, F*** it all I'm gonna do what f***** wanna do and be what I f***** wanna be!!! Cause I'm Little Miss I'll get tough, I may get broken and hurt but I always get better, I stand a little bit taller with every mistake I make. My heart belongs to me and me alone!!!

~Here's how they responded~

AlexJordanAdelaide:  u go sis keep ur head up high (Alex is one of the few people I  truly feel  relaxed around, He's always there for me when I'm down and I'll always be there for him when he needs me)

GrandMasterSifuWolf: You tell them cockstain losers, Niece! WHOOP WHOOP!!!! (My crazy Juggalo Uncle, who I'm pretty sure is on bat shit -Inner thoughts- if only that was possible -Outer thoughts- He's probably pulling an all nighter)

HexRavenAdelaide: no matter how strong the concrete is it always cracks and breaks eventually.

I love my friends and family to death, and they crack me up and back me up when I need People there for me.

P.S. Wolf is a bad ass movie star. If anyone has an IMVU account and this has touched them or this has touched them please feel free to get a hold of me at Shyhinata30@yahoo.com, on IMVU at  HexRavenAdelaide, or even comment on my blog what ever you want.