Out of center

Have you ever had one of those moments where you were jealous of someone because they were with the person you cared  about more then your own life? Have you ever had one of those days where all you want to do is sleep and prey the world around you stops? Have you ever had one of those long periods of time where you just fear for the care, safety and the health of a person  you hate? Weather you hate them or they hate you? Have you ever had a time in you're life where you messed up something that wasn't yours and you were so scared you could hardly look at the object even when you tried to fix it?

The reasons  I ask these things is quite frankly I don't know what to do any more. I was in love with a girl and she has a girlfriend now. My sleep has gotten worse as of late, people have said that I am paranoid, that I am stressed out.to be totally honest i don't know what to do any more, the day by day scenes run by in front of my face. I see people start to date. I see people break up. It all makes me want to pause the world and take things one step at a time. I miss the days in life when I could wake up and smile the entire day because my friends would  make me laugh. I accidentally dropped my moms 80 GB IPOD in the bath tub and its recovery software wont even work any more and I'm hating my self severely for ruining it, she didn't seam mad  at  me for it but I just want to lay down and curl up in a ball till I die. No matter how much my mom irks me I'm still scared for her life every time I leave her. I'm scared I might never see her again alive. I'm fortunate to have family and friends who love me. But I  feel like I spend more time alone with the dog then I actuality  do with human beings. My heart beats alone in a crowd of over one million. I realize no one probably ever reads my blog  but If someone actually does, thank you so very much for taking time out of your day to  read my pathetic writing.
I'm going to post this and cuddle up with my Pembroke Welsh Corgi, Honey and try and find my center again.
(This is Honey)
~Little Miss I Get Tough~